


we have not touched the stars

by caradoxing (saunteredvaguelydownward)



Series: Molly Amell [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, complete disregard for the chantry and circle's bullshit, irresponsible use of magic for shenanigans, or i guess in this case a get along ugly mage robe, possible setting people on fire but it's okay because they're only templars, someone get these trash babies a get along shirt, tentative pretentious siken title because i'm bad at titling things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:54:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6138877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saunteredvaguelydownward/pseuds/caradoxing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niah Surana, Jowan and Molly Amell escape the Circle together. If they're going to survive, they'll have to learn to get along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

There was someone sniffling in the corner. _Her_ corner.

Niah knew she should feel bad. Mamae had always taught her that the world could be cruel, but that she should always respond with kindness. She wished she could tell Mamae that it was awfully hard being kind when someone was in her spot. When someone had taken her safe place.

She _knew_ the world could be cruel, knew people could be cruel, like the mean men who wouldn’t let her see Mamae anymore, but wasn’t everyone else supposed to know the rule too? Didn’t their Mamaes teach them to be kind?

At very least, their Mamaes should have taught them that taking things that didn’t belong to them was wrong.

Besides, he was probably getting snot everywhere.

With a huff, she sat next to the dark haired boy and settled a glare at the wall in front of her. It was nice that she didn’t glare at _him_ , wasn’t it? It was the best he was going to get while he was still in her way.

The boy didn't seem to notice.

The more he cried, the less she could seem to be mad at him. She remembered how she cried when they interrupted story time and pulled her from Mamae's arms. She never did get to hear the ending; she still didn't know how Papae got away from the bear. She remembered how loud she cried, for weeks on end, when they made her sleep in her new bed. The other girls got mad at her and told her to go to sleep already. She remembered how she had cried quieter in the middle of the night, just a couple days before, but still wished someone would come make her feel better.

Maybe it was her job to make him feel better. Not that he deserved it.

She leaned over and patted him gently on the back, like she had seen other people do in the alienage, but quicker and more awkwardly. He jumped a little when she touched him, as if he really hadn't noticed her at all and suddenly she felt worse. Before she could put her shaky hand back in her lap, he tried to grab it and she bolted backwards, shaking her head madly.

The boy looked hurt but she was mad again. Why did he do that? They all knew she didn't like that. They all knew she hated when people touched her. Only Mamae and Papae were allowed to do that. Just like they were the only ones she could talk to. Everyone here made the words stick and stay stuck, but it didn't matter because she didn't want to talk to them or be touched by them anyway, especially not by dumb boys who didn't know anything they were supposed to.

 "I'm sorry," the boy said, looking like he was going to cry again.

Niah said nothing and blinked back her tears. She hated this place. All she wanted was to have her space back but the boy didn't seem to understand and she couldn't tell him.

"Are you mad?"

She nodded.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it."

She pointed away, back toward the library and was surprised to find the boy simply stood up, hung his head and left.

Sinking into her spot, she was mad to find it was warm where he had been sitting. Her face was warm too, hot in her cheeks and she knew they were probably red. They probably got even more red, she knew, when she finally gave up and started crying.

* * *

He was there the next day and Niah could feel herself getting mad again. Stupid boy. He _understood_. He knew now that this was _her_ spot not _his._

But he wasn't crying this time. Now he held out a small cake, like the ones they would let her have on very special occasions. She narrowed her eyes and took it from him.

"I got Wynne to get it for you from the kitchens. She said you like them," he said. "I don't want you to be mad at me."

There was a long pause between them and she stared at him and then the cake and then at him again.

With a small huff, she sat down next to him and ate the cake before he could change his mind.

She could only hope he didn't think it meant he could stay.


	2. Into the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: dissociation.
> 
> This is what we call me willfully ignoring the canon implication that magic doesn't work at all in the basement purely on the basis that I see no reason for there to be torches constantly burning down there.

The distinct sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind her and Niah could feel herself practically jump out of her own skin.

_Oh no._

A flash of images passed through her mind, each worst than the previous. Her and Jowan, standing regretfully in front of the First Enchanter. Her and Jowan, separated each to their own cell, their new homes respectively. Her, alone, unfeeling. Uncaring about her oldest friend.

 _Tranquil_.

A cold shiver ran its fingers down her spine and settled there.

_No. Not now. Not ever._

_I would rather die._

“I’m coming with you.”

Niah turned to the voice and to face her own surprise. Not the First Enchanter. Or the Knight-Commander. Or even one of the Chantry sisters. There was no doubt that she would have mistaken the girl for younger than she was, had she not seen her around the Circle all these years. She was hard to miss, loud and brash in a way that had always made Niah flinch. She had always flaunted her disdain for the templars so vocally, as though she didn’t care what they did to her.

Only a fool wouldn’t know that bringing her along would only attract unwanted attention and even more trouble.

She looked over at Jowan, waiting for him to reply for the both of them. For all the years she had known him, cared for him, she knew better than to be surprised.

_Only a fool but it seems we’re not lacking in that area._

A few particularly unpleasant gestures itched at her hand but she knew Jowan did not need to see them to know that she was less than pleased with him. He glanced over at her and gave her an innocent and hopeful look as though he had no clue why she would oppose her presence.

“Come on, she’s suffering here just as much as we are.”

 _She only suffers because she brings it down upon herself willingly_.

“Listen,” Molly interrupted. “While you’re down there having fun with our phylacteries, I’ll be up here making a lovely little distraction. So either we can stand here and debate all night or we can get our asses out of here and be free by sunrise.” From under her awkwardly cut hair, she gave a sharp smirk.

Niah would have laughed at the girl’s arrogance but the danger of the whole situation still prickled at her skin. Besides, loath to admit it, she knew Molly was right. Their plan had been patched together despite having been years in the making. Those who failed at escaping ended up back at the beginning, not the better off, and those who succeeded disappeared with the secret to their victory.

Looking down at the fire rod in her hand, Niah gave a resigned sigh and tucked the instrument in the small bag she carried with her.

Molly’s face seemed to light up with a mischievous sort of look that ensured Niah was already regretting the decision.

“Good,” Molly said. “You have an hour. If you’re not back by then... well, I’d say it’s been nice knowing you but it hasn’t.”

Niah grimaced at the girl as she bounded off, leaving her alone with Jowan. Trying to ignore the pressure building in her chest and Jowan’s intent stare, she pressed past him to the door that lead to the basement. She paused in front of it, breathing deeply and running her fingers over the cold metal of it. _There will be no turning back from this_. She trembled as a shiver ran down her spine, though from the chill of the door or the danger, she wasn’t sure.

She shrugged away from the hand that was placed gently at her back and headed forward. It was only a few steps before she found herself engrossed in the darkness. A flicker of light came from behind her. When she turned to him, Jowan gave a hesitant smile in the dim light of the flames he held in his hand.

She simply glared at him and headed onwards.

“We couldn’t just leave her here.”

Niah said nothing, overwhelmed by the heavy pounding of her heartbeat, but pointed to the towering door at the end of the hall. It didn't surprise her to notice how much she was trembling. She hated that the templars always seemed to build everything to make her feel small and worse, she hated that it always succeeded. Another rush of fear hit her chest. _If I am wrong, we are as good as dead, the both of us._

They had gone over the plan. _A mage, a templar, a password and a spell. I am no templar, but there is a chance it will work. If there is a chance, we must try._

She gave Jowan a cold nod and he returned the action.

“Sword of the Maker, tears of the Fade,” she whispered. She gave an inward laugh, grateful for once in her life that the templars thought her stupid. A friendless mute is not likely to share secrets, they must have thought, by the way they were always so careless in her presence.

There was a noise – something like the sound of a key being put into a lock – and Niah could feel herself nearly jump out of her skin. Jowan conjured a flame like the one he held in his right hand in his other and placed it against the door. There was no sound this time and she held her breath as he pushed against it. When it gave way a second later, she allowed herself to feel some relief.

The feeling quickly evaporated. _This is going too well. If it were so easy, none of us would accept imprisonment._

The doorway, unsurprisingly, lead once more into a blackened hallway. She held her chin up, trying to will herself to be brave as if her attitude made the difference between success and failure. But she found herself stepping into darkness.

She looked back to her friend once again.

Jowan still stood planted in the doorway, giving her a determined look in the flickering glow of his firelight. She felt her frustration wrap its unwelcoming fingers around her throat and her eyes beginning to sting. She wanted to scold him, remind him, something but there was nothing. Words had always come hard, but it was rare that she could not bring herself to speak to him. Of course, she often used her gestures with him out of comfort or habit and he never complained, but it was different when she had no choice. She was used to the barrier existing between her and the rest of the world, but not between them. Never between them.

He looked far away, like the last moments of a dream before exiting the Fade. She swallowed hard as she felt reality slip away from her, made worse by the black that surrounded her. Even when she conjured her own light in her hand, the small dancing white orbs that always seemed to calm her, the now illuminated walls too seemed like tapestries someone had hung up.

He must have recognized something then, even from so far away. His footsteps sounded muffled as he came closer, his determination replaced with something more like worry.

It was silly, but she half expected him to run into some invisible barrier before he reached her, as if this rare thing that stood between them were somehow real.

It wasn’t until he pressed his palm against her empty one that she could ground herself once more. “Hey, we’re okay. We’re fine. See we made it through,” he said, whatever he had been intending on saying lost. She squeezed his hand, her anger somewhat dissipated. Now, she reminded herself, was not the time.

The next door forward was less intimidating. The orbs that still twisted their way through her fingers dissipated and she rummaged through her small bag to retrieve the fire rod. Carefully she set it against the lock and pushed, cursing internally when nothing happened. _I knew it. I knew something would go wrong._

“Shit,” Jowan muttered, “Shit, Niah, what now?” He looked to her like he expected that she would know what to do about the situation.

She did not.

She pointed to the other door that was only just visible in the faint light. “The repository? I mean there could be a way...” A strange look crossed his face and then she could see that his determination had returned to him. “No, you’re right, if there’s any chance, then we need to take it.”

With a nod, she lead the way, trying not to let the tiny glimmer of hope that still remained under her mounting panic.


End file.
